Friday 13 February 2015

Aunty There's Something In My Ear

Hi there...

     The day started normal enough for me, soap in the eyes and a minor stroke cause I slipped in the shower and thought I was going to die.  This is why I prefer the bath, less chance of personal injury but I digress. 

     I was still swaddled in towels when the yelling began and it came from downstairs.  It was Brina and at first I thought she was yelling at something she was watching, or maybe the dog.  Then the screaming began, and the running up the stairs, and the pounding on my bedroom door accompanied by a frantic voice striving for calm.

     "Aunty? Aunty? Aunty I need your help there's something in my ear!"

     I stood in the middle of my room...seriously I just stood there, head cocked, eyes squinted, thinking did I just hear her say something in my ear?  In the span of a nanosecond  I went through a million scenarios and possibilities, emotions and sensations before telling my obviously traumatised babygirl...

     " Hang on a second, let me put some clothes on."

     " I can't!!" Was her shrill response before she burst into my room with her hand over her ear.

     I stood there, dumbstruck as she launched into a rapid tearstained explanation of how she was sure that a bug was in her ear.  Without thinking I pretty much threw her onto my bed and was looking in her ear, looking for...and praying to everything I held holy I didn't find...a bug when I came to realise the only thing I had on was the towel on my head.  How long, I don't know, and in the moment it didn't seem important but it was one of those randomly calm thoughts that flash through your head in a moment of crisis.

     " Huh...I'm kinda naked."

     Thankfully she had her eyes closed and I recovered my towel. Not that she would have noticed, because she was full on freaking out by this time and I knew that the best course of action was to get her to the clinic. 

     Did I mention I had to be at work in an hour? Yeah that wasn't going to happen.  So I dashed off a quick, trying not to sound anxious, call to work saying I didn't know how late, but I was going to be late because my niece has a bug in her ear.  I told Brina to call her mom, because even though I knew I " had this " I also knew I would not be able to talk her down and I needed her calm because she was starting to ramp up Sese (big sister) and I as far as our personal anxiety level.  I handle stress like a duck swims...gracefully gliding on the surface and paddling furiously underneath., so damaging my calm was not an option if I hoped to keep the girls calm.

     I drove as fast as I could. Don't worry Ordinarygirl, I drove like a controlled maniac who may have made only a few questionable driving decisions.

     So we get to the clinic, it's packed and of course I roll in there like a wrecking ball, Brina under one arm and Sese right behind me. There was an elderly gentleman in a wheelchair who was almost to the counter and after a fleeting thought of I`m going to hell for this, I cut in fromt of him and descended upon the poor unsuspecting nurse.

   ``My girl has a bug in her ear and needs to see a doctor.  Right now.``

     ``Uh`` she responds, eyes darting around like a deer caught in the headlights.

     ``She needs to see someone.  Right.  Now.``

     As if on cue, whatever Brina thought was in her ear decided to shift position and get comfortable and she did a controlled freak out and we were immediatley directed to a chair in the hallway and told a doctor would be with us shortly.  They weren`t kidding.  Less than five minutes later we were in an exam room and had barely sat down when a doctor came in wearing that ``It`s not as bad as you think look`` Au contraire Monsieur Doctor.

     Out came the ear looky thingy and after a few questions, Doc determined my girl had impacted ear wax.  No worries, he was just going to flush out her ear with some warm water and she would be all good.  Now when you think about flushing someone`s ear out, you think little syringe, squirt squirt and all is well.  Nopenopenope.  The syringe he pulled out was mofo huge and looked like something you`d ice a cake with, all metal and shiny.  I was sure it was long enough to poke her brain.  Poor Brina`s eyes were huge and got bigger when the doc handed her a small bucket with a divot on one side and told her to hold it under her ear while she told him she has never had a bug in her ear.  I could literally see both girls tense up as he put the syringe in her ear and start pushing on the plunger.  I can only imagine what it sounded and felt like, though my powers of empathy spiked for a minute there and it may as well have been me on that bed.

     After the first plunger full (yes I said first) Doc takes the bucket away from Brina`s ear and with a nod of satisfaction shows us the small chunk of ear wax flaoating in what I thought was an abnormally large amount of water to be running through such a small space.  Then he says he`s going to flush it one more time to be sure.  Alrighty then.  He pulls the bucket away from Brina`s ear, looks into it, then across the room at me with a look that was both surprised and a little bit shocked.  I hear Sese gasp, and my first thought is...

     ``Oh crap.``

     He holds the bucket out to me and I look into it and see...a spider.  It was tiny, no bigger than my pinky nail, but in relation to the size of an ear canal it was huge.  My stomach flipped and my mpathy spiked once more because I had watched her go through the obvious trauma of having this thing in her head.  Brina hasn`t seen it yet cause the doc, Sese, and I had our heads bent over the bucket and then the doctor casually mentions to Brina

     `` Well this is a first for both of us because I`ve never flushed a spider out of an ear before.``

     ``WHAT!``

     He shows Brina the bucket and I swear her eyes got big enough to swallow her face and she paled considerably though she looked incredibly relieved, and with profuse thanks, we left the clinic.

     Once back in the car, we joked about the whole situation they way everyone does once a crisis has passed, and at one point,  Brina started giggling.  I asked her what was funny, and she replies...

     ``The two people in my world who have had the most issues with anxiety just totally stepped up and came through for me when I needed them.  High five Sese.  High five Aunty`` And we tootled off back home, albeit doing the speed limit.

     I, like probably most people have a lovehate relationship with adrenaline.  It`s great how it gets you throught the situation at hand, but the crash at the end sucks monkeyballs.  I was amazed at my level of calm throughout the whole spider in the ear crisis, so thank you adrenaline dump.  It was when I got into my car to go to work that I went from feeling fine to shaking like a leaf and on the edge of tears and about to go over that edge.  Fuck you adrenaline dump. After some deep breaths and a bit of grounding I found myself again and off to work I went, though I was totally exhausted which is another up yours adrenaline dump because why do I have to feel like I ran a marathon uphill in the snow while being scared shitless, just to stay calm and collected for a crisis that lasted an hour and a half from start to finish...

     `` Calm blue ocean.``

     And swim like a duck.

      Go to ordinarygirl10.blogspot.com for another perspective