Not For The Cookie

     Its not fair.  Summer is coming and boys get to run around like monkeys while we girls have to shave everything, and it takes forever.  Hot yoga? Pffffttt...I got your hot yoga.  It's a razor, a shower, and the performance of contortions whicch simultaneously attempt to catch every spot and prevent a skull cracking fall or potential blood loss that could result in an embarrasing encounter with the paramedics. 

 Oh sure there are alternatives to the razor...

     Those Neet creams that are not very neat.  Im supposed to put this cream on my legs before I get in the shower, because its convienient, and stand there for like a minute before getting in the shower.  Then once in the shower, because its convenient,  I'm supposed let the water gradually wash this cream away...but only after an additional two minutes.  o_0

     Waxing.  Hmmm.  Yeah, I'm going to pay some strange woman to pour hot wax all over my legs and damn close to my naughty bits before she lays down those little white strips which become band aids from hell that fiercly, painfully, rip the hair out by the roots.  Besides for all I know she could be, you know, into that, which would make me an unwitting S&M participant, and I don't even know what the safe word is.

     I don't have time...correction...I don't have the patience to stand around my bathroom with cream on my legs, then dance a merry jig in a confined space trying to keep a stream of water from getting my legs wet.  Having  my legs waxed just plain falls under my nopenopenope catagory along with snakes and spiders.

     Then I remembered I had one of those "Smooth Away" things.  Basically its sandpaper for your legs, and if used with the proper circular motion on dry legs (bonus), produces smooth, exfoliated legs.  Let me tell you it works like a hot damn.  On legs.  Bikini line? Not so much.   Yes I read the instructions, and yes they said it was safe to use on my bikini line.  So I did this morning, and the initial results were...impressive, just like my legs.

     Here is where I digress a little and give you some backstory...our washrooms at work have obnoxiously huge mirrors that of course face the toilet and no matter what you do, you can't help but notice yourself in the mirror.

     So there I am halfway through my shift this afternoon, about to ascend the throne if you know what I mean, when I noticed the little red bumps along my bikini line in the obnoxiously huge mirror.  Upon closer inspection, it looked like a surgical strike from a swarm of  tiny mosquitoes with really good grouping.  Lovely. My legs look great and feel wonderful, my bikini line? Not so much.  Its not fair.  We're damned with razor burn and nciks if we do, and we're damned with itchy and uncomfortable if we dont. 

     Then again, boys will never understand or appreciate the luxury of freshly shaved legs and clean sheets...That is all.