On Food...
Have you ever had popcorn twists? You know the ones in the big blue bag, and there`s a recipe on the bag for caramel twist something or others? OK never, ever...and I'm speaking from experience here...EVER make that recipe. You're lulled into this false sense of hope at first, reading the recipe. Hmm, melted caramel is good, and popcorn twists are good, what could g wrong? Oh, it goes wrong. Many levels of wrong. These "cookies" looked like little turds left by an incontinent, nervous chihuahua and don't even get me started on the texture of these things.
When I was a kid, my mom was a firm believer in powdered milk. Every morning my little sister and I would come to the breakfast table and there would be a frosty jug of powdered milk ready to be poured over our (ugh) puffed wheat cereal. Until one morning Duck had had enough, and in her oh so subtle way, quietly launched a protest against powdered milk. I was already at the table choking down my puffed wheat when she wordlessly came in, staring mom down like it was high noon in a spaghetti western movie. She grabbed her bowl; filling it with puffed wheat, and never breaking eye contact, and walked over to the cupboard where the bag of powdered milk was kept. Let me make this clear, through this whole silent protest, Duck never once broke eye contact with mom as she grabbed the bag of milk powder, shook some over her dry cereal then went over to the sink and turned the tap on, filling her bowl with cold water. Wordlessly, Duck sat down at the table, gave the bowl a stir and silently shoveled it into her mouth. We never had to drink powdered milk again.
You don't know "struggle" until...Shredded wheat and mushroom soup. I have eaten these items together...in one meal.
I've discovered that a small bag of mini oreos, a bowl, spoon, and some milk is better than therapy in many circumstances.
Want to get dirty looks in a grocery store check out line? Be 115 pounds, buying whole milk and pork rinds. I thought the lady behind me was having some kind of stroke judging by the sounds she was making. She gave me that squinty eyed " I hate you " look. So I left the line, grabbed a box of double fudge brownies and looked her right in the eye when I dropped them next to my pork rinds.
ON DRIVING
It's called a turn signal. Please use it.
I lovelovelove the fact that Ordinarygirl continues to ride shotgun with me cause I'm lost without her. And really, I should be properly supervised while behind the wheel.
If your "Lambo" sounds like a Datsun S10 with a bad muffler, don't brag.
Is it possible to pull a Rockford in a PT Cruiser?
ON RANDOM THINGS
Only in Canada will you witness an argument as to who goes through the door first.
"After you"
"No, no, you first. Let me hold the door for you"
Why does Parmesan cheese smell like feet?
Big lettered sign above the slurpee machine " Sorry, temporarily unavailable" Customer stares at the sign for a good ten seconds, comes up to the counter and...
Him: So no slurpees?
Me: Sigh...
How come a 300 pound guy wearing no shirt can walk around with no problem, but if I do, its indecent exposure?
Squirrell!
That Is All...
